The Dark The World The Truth

In this world there is no tomorrow. Inside what lies is pain and sorrow. To see what lies in plane sight. In this pit of darkness I see my life. In this pit I do see life. In this pit I also see death. Death brings life, life brings death but in this void of darkness life and death are one in my minds eye. In my mind I see the world for what it is. The truth that people fail to see. The truth about this world is that people are ignorant. They see and know the truth but don't accept it. The world is corrupt. The people know this but they ignore it and lash out at anyone who will let the truth be heard. The truth that people fail to accept is the truth about themselves. The truth people are so afraid of that they will themselves follow ignorance and get lost in it. Is the truth so much that they can not let it be heard to show them the light that comes from it. The truth they won't let you see because it would destroy them. My truth is what is hidden behind the lies and deceit. My truth is what you don't want to hear because you are afraid of it. My truth is the truth that will set the world free.

I am the way I am

I am the way I am whether you like it or not. I am not someone who pretends to be who I'm not for the sake of you to like me. I am not someone who needs your approval. I am my own person. I don't need you to like me. Hell I don't need you to speak to me to make my day so don't. I don't need you to pretend to be nice to me, to act like you care 2 shits about how I am. I don't want you to feel you are obligated to say hi to me because your not. I don't need you or any one else to make me feel like I matter. I know I matter. I know that I am someone of great strength and intelligence. I have fought, won and over come great struggles to become the person I am today. I don't need you to let me know I am of value. You are nothing to me. You are like a gran of sand in the bottom of the ocean. You are of no significance to me. Do you think that you speaking to me some how makes me feel good? Because it don't, your words are nothing to me. It may make you feel better about yourself because you feel you are so special that saying hi to other people makes their day and if that is true than you are one sad, pathetic,little person. That has no value any where in this world but in your own self deluded little mind and I will pray for you.

My dark day

Wednesday the 17 0f October 2008 was a day that I will call my dark day. Have you ever had a day that was so bad, so horrible that words could not describe it. I guess it was not really the day so much as my thoughts and feelings just caught up with me that day. I became so depressed, angry, and frustrated that it got the best of me. I got sick and it drained my body so much. I could not move without some part of my body hurting and my chest was hurting also. I wanted to cry. I could feel the tears form but they just would not come out. That day I thought what was the purpose of me going through all of that. All the pain, suffering, and Aguste. I really wanted to just die because I was not sure how much more I could take. I know that god has some plan for me and that there is a reason for everything but why did I have to go through all of that? I mean if he is preparing me for some great struggle or battle. Or for something so great that I need to suffer as my test for which I will be rewarded for. I have gone through so much as a child and as a person. I have gone through stuff that I wold not wish on anyone not even my worst enemy. I wonder what will come next will it be my reward or will it be more pain as a test or as a way of telling me I'm not doing something right in my life or I'm going down the wrong path. I just hope that I will be strong enough to handle what ever comes next.

The world I live in

Life is trying to stay alive, when death is all around you. Life is trying to stay positive when noting but negativity is all you see and hear. Life is noting but struggle and pain while you try to find a piece of happiness you can call your own. When you have horrible things happen to you for all your life. What can you do to keep the hope that things will get better? When it seems that no matter what you do, you get ahead only to be knock back farther than when you started. I think about this everyday trying to get an answer. People say say things will get better, keep holding on it will be OK but do they really know? I find myself thinking on 2 sides. On side 1 I see the worst in people, most of are some people I meet and see and I curse those people hopping that they will die. So that the world might become better. On the other side I see people who are happy. People who have found some were to belong. I see people who love to be stupid and get together with other ignorant people and do stupid things. There is a saying that "Ignorance is bliss" and I think its true. For the fact that I see people who act stupid and are happy and this makes me wonder "should I act dumb to see if I will be happy then." But I know I can't do that because it goes angst everything I believe and stand for. I try to see the good in life but I mostly see the bad. I see the things people don't want to see. I see the monsters that most people really are. I see people my age and I wonder what will the future be. I see the way the people in my age group act and if these are the hands the future of the world are in, I don't think the world has much time left. If my generation don't change and get there minds together and correct than there is no hope for the world. I lived for just 20 years so far and the world is being ran by a person who knows nothing. I see those that have decided to be dumb and embrace stupidity. I don't know how much longer I can stay strong and thrive when the world is in such disarray. I guess all I can do is keep doing what I can, while hopping and preying that things get better.

The One

Today I see what my life has become. I see that sadness has taken root in my soul. That the pursuit of pleasure is starting to become apart of my personality. That the more I try not to let these things rule or become apart of me, the more they start to gain strength. I know what I feel is normal but at the same time I don't want myself or my life to be this way. I know my life will get better but things are just hard on me sometimes. I know one day that the one I am meant to be with will come one day. The one who likes everything about me. The one I will always be able to make happy no matter what. The one who makes me smile when I don't want to. The one who I can fulfill her every desire and she can do the same for me. The one that I can hold when I am lonely and kiss me to make me feel happy when I feel like no one loves or understands me. The one that can be my all. Who I can also be there all. The one that can make my heart melt just with one look or touch. The one who I can tell anything to and not worry about being judged. The one that can tell me they love me and mean it. The one who won't play games with me, my emotions, my feelings, or my heart. The one who I can count on to be there for me no matter what. The one who knows I will do anything for them and will do the same for me. The one who I can tell all my want and desires to without fear of them using them angst me and know they can do the same. Who this person is I don't know but hopefully I will find them soon and they will know by this writing I am the one they have been looking for. Hopefully when they read this they will know I mean every word and will do everything I said I would do for that special person without hesitation. When either I find them or they find me they will know I can and will be the one to fill that space in there heart.